There's always that one thing, isn't there? That one song, that one place....things that remind you of that relationship. Oh, you know which one I am talking about; "THAT" one. The one we didn't want to leave behind but had to. The one we misjudged entirely and wrecked us. The one that left an indelible mark on us down deep that every now and then climbs to the surface in a rush of mixed emotions and longing nostalgia.
Of course, there is no rule book about when or how we get over these things. In fact, there is a small portion of all of us that doesn't want to get over it. With it, we have to give up that rush of emotion, we have to give up that wishful thinking, and we have to give up that secret hope that maybe, just maybe it will return to us somehow, either in the form we know or in another in the future.
We, of course, are practical, too. We know that it isn't good to become the proverbial pillar of salt, looking back upon what we knew while desperately trying to move forward. We don't want to constantly be held captive by what we know can't be and shouldn't be.
So, in a world where we find, maybe even seek out, those things that remind us of what we need to leave behind, one of the best cleansing processes is to "reclaim" those things that bring back that rush to us for ourselves alone.
The idea of "reclaiming" actually comes from an odd source--the Vagina Monologues. When I was at college....a...ahem...Catholic college, we put on a set of them in two performances. One of the monologues we did was called something along the line of "Reclaiming Cunt." The point was the speaker was taking the word "cunt," with all of its negative connotations, and reclaiming the word so that negative connotation would be lessened.
Ok, let's take an example. How about a song? We all have songs that remind us of people who went out of our lives. Whenever they come on the radio, we are immediately smitten by the feelings and the mind-consuming memories that make us nearly crash into the next car on the road. For me, one such song is "In My Place" by Coldplay. It reminds me of a relationship long past--but more importantly, the time when I let it pass out of my life. Instead of symbolizing that passing, it represents my objections, my emotional screams and cries for me not to let go, not to leave it behind me. Whenever I hear it, especially the end, I am transported in my mind back to visions of me seeing him again, of putting myself back in that place with him.
But the song ends, and I am back on the road, desperately trying to get around some guy going way too slow in the passing lane on the highway.
Here are some things that I have had to reclaim for me:
Indian Cuisine
The quote:
I wish I was a nomad, and Indian, or a saint,
The edge of death would disappear, leave me nothing left to taint,
I wish I was a nomad, an Indian, or a saint,
Give me walking shoes, feathered arms, and a key to heaven's gate.
Mini Rosebushes
Billy Joel songs like "Scenes from an Italian Restaurant"
My cell phone
The Boston Pops 4th of July Concert
The song "Strange Fire" by the Indigo Girls
The Boston Globe (a newspaper)
Hard candy I can make by boiling sugar, butter and flavoring together
My apartment in Bridgewater, MA
The suburbs of Boston and the T (the train system there)
How do you "reclaim?" Well, I don't really know. It's more about listening to the song and finding meaning for you or going to that place by yourself for you. Once you do that, you can't say anymore that "the last time I heard this I was...." or "the last time I was there, I was..." because you created a new memory or a new association. You'd be surprised how effective that is.
By "reclaiming" something, you are really claiming you, and hey, that's never a bad thing because whoever walks in or out of your life, either willingly or unwillingly, you always are going to have you. You may as well have something to fall back on if that is the case....and why not it be you?
