It's funny how expectations work.
We go for weeks thinking one thing is going to happen because we have immediate evidence that it will happen--maybe semi-long-term evidence that it will. We've been reassured, we've had multiple discussions, we even make preparation choices. Barring near-disaster, everything should go exactly as one or more parties involved has planned.
I think this is my "plans shot to hell" year. I have no idea why. Perhaps it is because my plans are poor or founded on poor premises or bases. Or, perhaps it is because in some cases, I have selectively subverted my attention from things that exist, maybe even have pre-existed, that could destroy those plans or those expectations with a dose of very sobering, and very unpleasant, reality. Ignoring them or pretending they aren't there when countless times they creep into the woodwork when you least expect it, at least I have realized of late, does not negate their existence and will not do so no matter how much you hope and pray it will.
When you lose something, especially if you have had it at least in part for a long time, you feel that loss. It comes in lots of unexpected forms, too. It could be a song that comes on the radio all of a sudden (which results in a jerk motion to change the channel, landing you in AM territory), or the performance of an action you know you last did right before things "changed" for you (one of those rare times that taking out the garbage or cracking open a beer can lead to uncontrollable tears and a lot of odd looks from family members), or even a forward look to the days ahead that do not have in them what you had before, no matter what it was, with a sigh and a constant need to renew commitment to living without it. Somehow, those negative elements that you were all too in tune with as part of the whole that you once had disappear for you--you lose that objectivity that you had once in favor of the need to pick up the rose-tinted glasses with your overly active memory/imagination because there and only there can you have what you lost, so it may as well be as ideal as it can be.
I've "lost" many times over the course of this past year in many different ways, most of them relating to relationships with other people. I don't have many explanations for that which seem to fit correctly. However, my most recent loss has taught me something important--that sometimes you feel a loss looking back, but it can help you define how you perceive that loss looking forward. Those ideal elements in what you lost that were truly ideal, that were truly uplifting and positive deserve a second look. Perhaps you feel loss for those elements because you ultimately need them. Maybe your losing what you did lose taught you that it is necessary to make you happy, and you should take that new knowledge and find it somewhere else. I used to live with the mentality that when something ended, it ended--and with that, I could and would never find or have what I had ever again. However, I am no longer convinced of that. What you lost taught you what you need to find to be happy, and the possibility that you could find it wrapped in a package that perhaps excludes those things that although your temporary pair of rosy glasses phases out, existed nontheless.
So, maybe with loss should follow hope rather than devastation.
And someday, my objective mind, which I have hope will reboot soon, will come online and register that in reality rather than in theory.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Oh, God, NOT the 80's....
Oh, yes, we all knew it would happen....
As soon as those bell-bottomed trousers hit the market sometime in the mid-late 1990's, we all knew what the next step was going to be, and now, it has happened.
The fashions of the 80's are officially back. And they are just as hideous today as they were before.
Skinny Jeans: These are not made with women's bodies in mind because they are completely unflattering to anything that could be considered bodily curves. They hug your leg from hip to ankle, which only serves to make your ass look even bigger. Of course, the slight modification to the 80's version of this style is the "hip hugger" level of the waist-line. At least when they fell at or just below your natural waist, you could salvage some semblence of pride in your feminine form because the jeans at least outlined your whole butt. Now, they are slung about halfway down, so you have these very attractive handles of flesh protruding because of the natural inevitability that are "hips." The result of this is your looking dangerously close to down someone else's butt-crack, whether or not by choice.
"Gym"-Like Tops: Nothing says "hot" like a shirt that hangs all the way down your front, made out of some extra-cheap, thin sweat-material. It's even better when you layer them--like put a t-shirt version on first, then a tank top variety. Wow, instant fashion. It so well complements the skinny jeans--you get baggy on top where you don't want it, and then restrictively thin on the bottom, where you don't want or need it. Great idea.
The "Decorative" Belt: To add to this outfit, why not try to sling a huge, four inch wide, gaudy belt around where your waist never was meant to exist. The advantage is if you do insist upon wearing the jeans that will send the masses running by revealing the top two inches of buttock-divide, the belt certainly will cover that area, and then some. These can be leather, woven, metal, or what-have-you. The only problem is that they look like crap and serve no purpose.
Boots: Here I am in one of the wettest nations in the world. So, you would expect a run on the rubber and/or leather markets here, but instead, the big thing is suede boots, most of the time covered in ill-place buckles and fake animal fur that you tuck your skinny jeans into. It's like watching a bunch of pseudo-merry men run around in Sherwood Forest.
The "Torn-Ends" Skirt: It apparently costs more to purchase a skirt that looks mutilated than it would to buy a normally-cut skirt and mutilate it yourself. The result, either way, is flaps of fabric flowing in the breeze. And you never thought that Madonna's outfits circa-1984 would last....
Let's hope this doesn't last long. I think that this is the first time in my life I have pride in being "out of style." At least my ass doesn't look twice as large as it is, my boobs aren't hidden under layers of work-out clothing, and I can walk through any and all of York's many consistenly-existing puddles with no fear.
As soon as those bell-bottomed trousers hit the market sometime in the mid-late 1990's, we all knew what the next step was going to be, and now, it has happened.
The fashions of the 80's are officially back. And they are just as hideous today as they were before.
Skinny Jeans: These are not made with women's bodies in mind because they are completely unflattering to anything that could be considered bodily curves. They hug your leg from hip to ankle, which only serves to make your ass look even bigger. Of course, the slight modification to the 80's version of this style is the "hip hugger" level of the waist-line. At least when they fell at or just below your natural waist, you could salvage some semblence of pride in your feminine form because the jeans at least outlined your whole butt. Now, they are slung about halfway down, so you have these very attractive handles of flesh protruding because of the natural inevitability that are "hips." The result of this is your looking dangerously close to down someone else's butt-crack, whether or not by choice.
"Gym"-Like Tops: Nothing says "hot" like a shirt that hangs all the way down your front, made out of some extra-cheap, thin sweat-material. It's even better when you layer them--like put a t-shirt version on first, then a tank top variety. Wow, instant fashion. It so well complements the skinny jeans--you get baggy on top where you don't want it, and then restrictively thin on the bottom, where you don't want or need it. Great idea.
The "Decorative" Belt: To add to this outfit, why not try to sling a huge, four inch wide, gaudy belt around where your waist never was meant to exist. The advantage is if you do insist upon wearing the jeans that will send the masses running by revealing the top two inches of buttock-divide, the belt certainly will cover that area, and then some. These can be leather, woven, metal, or what-have-you. The only problem is that they look like crap and serve no purpose.
Boots: Here I am in one of the wettest nations in the world. So, you would expect a run on the rubber and/or leather markets here, but instead, the big thing is suede boots, most of the time covered in ill-place buckles and fake animal fur that you tuck your skinny jeans into. It's like watching a bunch of pseudo-merry men run around in Sherwood Forest.
The "Torn-Ends" Skirt: It apparently costs more to purchase a skirt that looks mutilated than it would to buy a normally-cut skirt and mutilate it yourself. The result, either way, is flaps of fabric flowing in the breeze. And you never thought that Madonna's outfits circa-1984 would last....
Let's hope this doesn't last long. I think that this is the first time in my life I have pride in being "out of style." At least my ass doesn't look twice as large as it is, my boobs aren't hidden under layers of work-out clothing, and I can walk through any and all of York's many consistenly-existing puddles with no fear.
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