When I was in college, the only talk show that was ever on TV was the Jerry Springer Show. Yeah, I know, cliched. However, it did provide us with some lunch hour entertainment that was in no way related to our studies.
So, I left one channel on a little too long and on comes Dr. Phil. Dr. Phil, as we all know, burst on the scene as Oprah's sidekick a few years ago. Now, he has a program all his own where he gets sixty minutes to verbally abuse small groups of people.
Today, the topic wasn't cheating partners or abusive parents or drug problems. Instead, Dr. Phil focused on a few couples who "met" at a dating service called SugarDaddy.com. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that someone came up with a dating service that paired up varying kinds of exploitative opportunists. Perhaps there is an advantage to having such clear, self-serving motives when dating. For the rest of us, we are forced to "weed out" people that fall into unacceptable categories. For Sugar Daddy daters, I suppose their weeding out process includes eliminating women with cellulite and men with small bankrolls. For us, it's selecting out the people who don't take us seriously enough or who don't share our interests or who don't appreciate us for who we are.
Wow--simple solution. Choose something really black and white--something either you or your partner should or should not have that doesn't have a grey area, and then, voila--relationship success.
Where did I go wrong?
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Friday, March 02, 2007
EHarmony versus Match.com.....and Spam
Ok, as an experienced failed dater, I will declare myself an authority on the best and worst of these two very popular competing dating sites.***
***Disclaimer: No one needs to agree with my self appointed superlative.
The topics:
Monetary Value: Both sites vary in cost depending upon the "plan" you choose to use. A month on its own at eHarmony runs at about $40, while at Match.com, it is around $35. If you go for several months at a time, the price changes, but they run at similar intervals with eHarmony gradually increasing in cost over Match.com as the lengths of time grow longer. After that time frame expires, Match.com automatically signs you up for the same length of time again at the same price--for example, if you go for three months at about $60 dollars total, after those three months are over, you get another three months at the same price. eHarmony is a little more sneaky--you can sign up for three months at about $60, but once your three months are up, the service signs you up with a one month renewal rate--meaning, now you're paying $30 to $40 a month. eHarmony encourages you not to give up and keep looking even after six months of failed dates, unreturned phone calls, and your wondering why the system matched you with that guy....but Match.com guarantees you six months free on the system if you can't find anyone in that amount of time.
Winner: Match.com
Getting Started: When you start on either system, you have to go through a long process revealing every bit of personal information you can to attract the perfect match. On eHarmony, this means taking a very, very long, SAT level test--one sitting is rarely enough to finish it. It basically asks you a lot of questions about your opinions and values, but that means you actually have to KNOW yourself well enough to answer the questions. I wouldn't be surprised if half of the people who read the statements like "My faith is important to me" are confronted with the concept for the first time. Match.com guides you through a process where you actually have to write about yourself--no big statements to hide behind there. If you don't know what "assertiveness" is and you therefore have no idea whether or not you would like that in a date, you can't just make up an answer. However, the levels of compatibility are far fewer and far less deep, running from "what turns you on" to, on the deepest level, "what are your political views."
Winner: eHarmony
Profiles: The result of this test taking is the creation of your profile, which is a combination of what the questions the site asked you said about you and what you said about you. On eHarmony, this means a long description that is about half what you write and half what the test said about you. The test defines, for example, what your strengths are as a relationship partner (although you can change them if you wish). You compose what the "Top Five Things You Can't Live Without" are or what was the last book you read and why you liked it. On Match.com, your profile comes in the form of an ad with a combination of paragraphs about you that you write, a list of things you're looking for in a mate, and each person who views your profile will get a list of the elements on which the two of you match.
Winner: This one's a tough one, but ultimately, it goes to eHarmony. It has a more professional look and less opportunities for people to demonstrate how bad their grammar really is, which is rarely a selling point.
Your Matches: Both sites will indicate people with whom you match well based on the information you gave during the creation of your profile. On eHarmony, you are given a list of people who match you. Every so often, new matches are added to your list for your inspection. At Match.com, the site will produce a list of matches you can look through as you choose, some who are really compatible with you and others who aren't so much. However, the point is variety and YOUR choice versus the site's choice. eHarmony will only "introduce" you to members who truly match you best, but from my personal experience, matching item for item may not be a sign of a good date. You may get a list and not want to contact any of the available matches, but it could be up to a week before the site elongates your potential partners. On Match.com, you can look through page after page of matches, representative of all of the people who fall into your search perameters. Both sites will narrow your search based on age and location, but only Match.com puts you in the driver's seat in terms of ultimate choice.
Winner: Match.com
Contacting Matches: Both sites try and make contacting interested parties somewhat easy while still protecting your anonymity. You "speak" through the site and a match will only get your contact information if you give it to him or her. On eHarmony, you "start communication" by sending someone who appears on your list a set of five multiple choice questions. If your match is interested, he or she will answer your questions and then send you five of his or her own. Step two is the "Must Haves/Can't Stands" stage, where you choose ten "Must Haves" and ten "Can't Stands" from a preorganized list on the site. Step three is "Closed-Ended Questions", which allows you to send three questions, including some of your own if you choose, that require a paragraph a piece to fully answer. Finally, if you make it there, Step Four is "Open Communication", and through the site, you can message back and forth e-mail style. Things are simpler at Match.com. You can "wink" at someone, indicating interest on your side of the line, or you can send him or her a message. You can even pick people you may be interested in contacting and create a "favorites" list, upon which people who "wink" at or message you will also appear. If you aren't interested, you can simply send a "No, thanks" message. If you aren't interested at eHarmony, you can "Close" a match at any time, which will move your match's name from your list to a separate "bin" of discarded matches.
Winner: That depends upon whether you would prefer to go through a process or be direct. The disadvantage to the process is that immediate "interest" cools fast sometimes--you start out really wanting to get to know someone, but then after a week working your way to Step Four with life getting in the way, you may lose interest in even the best and most compatible matches.
So, who wins? Well, the proof is in the pudding, so to speak. It all comes down to what you do. Neither site is worth your time or your money if you aren't willing to actually meet the people you attempt to contact, no matter what the process is. If you are a more direct person who prefers to really meet people, then Match.com is for you. If you would rather take your time and have an "out" at any time, eHarmony will walk you through it, especially if you're willing to stick with the process (and your "match" is equally willing).
By the way--what's with the Spam on this site? I suppose some random idiot plugged "personals ad" into the search enging at Blogger and came up with this site, which is subsequently the perfect forum for date chatting sites. Two words: Screw off.
***Disclaimer: No one needs to agree with my self appointed superlative.
The topics:
Monetary Value: Both sites vary in cost depending upon the "plan" you choose to use. A month on its own at eHarmony runs at about $40, while at Match.com, it is around $35. If you go for several months at a time, the price changes, but they run at similar intervals with eHarmony gradually increasing in cost over Match.com as the lengths of time grow longer. After that time frame expires, Match.com automatically signs you up for the same length of time again at the same price--for example, if you go for three months at about $60 dollars total, after those three months are over, you get another three months at the same price. eHarmony is a little more sneaky--you can sign up for three months at about $60, but once your three months are up, the service signs you up with a one month renewal rate--meaning, now you're paying $30 to $40 a month. eHarmony encourages you not to give up and keep looking even after six months of failed dates, unreturned phone calls, and your wondering why the system matched you with that guy....but Match.com guarantees you six months free on the system if you can't find anyone in that amount of time.
Winner: Match.com
Getting Started: When you start on either system, you have to go through a long process revealing every bit of personal information you can to attract the perfect match. On eHarmony, this means taking a very, very long, SAT level test--one sitting is rarely enough to finish it. It basically asks you a lot of questions about your opinions and values, but that means you actually have to KNOW yourself well enough to answer the questions. I wouldn't be surprised if half of the people who read the statements like "My faith is important to me" are confronted with the concept for the first time. Match.com guides you through a process where you actually have to write about yourself--no big statements to hide behind there. If you don't know what "assertiveness" is and you therefore have no idea whether or not you would like that in a date, you can't just make up an answer. However, the levels of compatibility are far fewer and far less deep, running from "what turns you on" to, on the deepest level, "what are your political views."
Winner: eHarmony
Profiles: The result of this test taking is the creation of your profile, which is a combination of what the questions the site asked you said about you and what you said about you. On eHarmony, this means a long description that is about half what you write and half what the test said about you. The test defines, for example, what your strengths are as a relationship partner (although you can change them if you wish). You compose what the "Top Five Things You Can't Live Without" are or what was the last book you read and why you liked it. On Match.com, your profile comes in the form of an ad with a combination of paragraphs about you that you write, a list of things you're looking for in a mate, and each person who views your profile will get a list of the elements on which the two of you match.
Winner: This one's a tough one, but ultimately, it goes to eHarmony. It has a more professional look and less opportunities for people to demonstrate how bad their grammar really is, which is rarely a selling point.
Your Matches: Both sites will indicate people with whom you match well based on the information you gave during the creation of your profile. On eHarmony, you are given a list of people who match you. Every so often, new matches are added to your list for your inspection. At Match.com, the site will produce a list of matches you can look through as you choose, some who are really compatible with you and others who aren't so much. However, the point is variety and YOUR choice versus the site's choice. eHarmony will only "introduce" you to members who truly match you best, but from my personal experience, matching item for item may not be a sign of a good date. You may get a list and not want to contact any of the available matches, but it could be up to a week before the site elongates your potential partners. On Match.com, you can look through page after page of matches, representative of all of the people who fall into your search perameters. Both sites will narrow your search based on age and location, but only Match.com puts you in the driver's seat in terms of ultimate choice.
Winner: Match.com
Contacting Matches: Both sites try and make contacting interested parties somewhat easy while still protecting your anonymity. You "speak" through the site and a match will only get your contact information if you give it to him or her. On eHarmony, you "start communication" by sending someone who appears on your list a set of five multiple choice questions. If your match is interested, he or she will answer your questions and then send you five of his or her own. Step two is the "Must Haves/Can't Stands" stage, where you choose ten "Must Haves" and ten "Can't Stands" from a preorganized list on the site. Step three is "Closed-Ended Questions", which allows you to send three questions, including some of your own if you choose, that require a paragraph a piece to fully answer. Finally, if you make it there, Step Four is "Open Communication", and through the site, you can message back and forth e-mail style. Things are simpler at Match.com. You can "wink" at someone, indicating interest on your side of the line, or you can send him or her a message. You can even pick people you may be interested in contacting and create a "favorites" list, upon which people who "wink" at or message you will also appear. If you aren't interested, you can simply send a "No, thanks" message. If you aren't interested at eHarmony, you can "Close" a match at any time, which will move your match's name from your list to a separate "bin" of discarded matches.
Winner: That depends upon whether you would prefer to go through a process or be direct. The disadvantage to the process is that immediate "interest" cools fast sometimes--you start out really wanting to get to know someone, but then after a week working your way to Step Four with life getting in the way, you may lose interest in even the best and most compatible matches.
So, who wins? Well, the proof is in the pudding, so to speak. It all comes down to what you do. Neither site is worth your time or your money if you aren't willing to actually meet the people you attempt to contact, no matter what the process is. If you are a more direct person who prefers to really meet people, then Match.com is for you. If you would rather take your time and have an "out" at any time, eHarmony will walk you through it, especially if you're willing to stick with the process (and your "match" is equally willing).
By the way--what's with the Spam on this site? I suppose some random idiot plugged "personals ad" into the search enging at Blogger and came up with this site, which is subsequently the perfect forum for date chatting sites. Two words: Screw off.
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