Too Many Chick Buddies?

Yes, I am sure that isn't what you want to hear from a self-confessed "modern" woman--the idea that a man surrounded daily by friendly femininity is a bad thing. However, there are a few valid reasons why the guy with too many female friends is a put-off for potential dating partners.

The first question that will come to mind on the part of a would-be partner is: Why am I necessary if he is so comfortable with these women as friends? And, more importantly, does he know how to separate the female friend from the female more-than-friends?

Regardless of how up-to-date or confident a woman may be, she doesn't want to see her man hanging out with more estrogen than testosterone. She doesn't want to hear about the week-long trips across countries or oceans to go see your girl-buddies, and she doesn't want to have something like a "facebook marriage" (whatever the hell that is) explained to her in an e-mail.

The beginning of a relationship is a very tentative time for both partners--everyone is finding the necessary footing to see if the relationship can go past the first few dates. It is certainly not the time to introduce "her" the world of your affectionate companionship with other women--she'll only think she will become one of the existing harem and prefer to step off rather than step up to the plate. What does this mean for you? Well, it may mean a little "white lying" on your part for a little while. It may mean being a little less open about which friends you are going to visit and spending the most time with until you get past the first stages of the dating process. By then, you'll probably be thinking about introducing her to some of your friends, and that's the best way to bring them out into the open. I guarantee if you only lightly touch on your hanging out with your "friends" at the beginning, then allow her to observe you with your female friends a few dates into the process, she will associate your female friends with your friends in general and it won't at all count against you. Start from the beginning in on your invaluable buddies in the chick category, and I guarantee you that you will be asking yourself why potential partners stop returning e-mails or calls more than once, if you aren't already.

What you're going to have to accept, whether you like it or not, is that it isn't normal to have a lot of female friends, and if you have that and no partner, you should be asking yourself a few questions--ironically the same questions that the partners who will want none of that are also asking. The number one question is why are they all buddies, and are they buddies because that's the category you naturally put women in right away rather than see potential beyond that? Consequently, you have a tough question to answer, too, and you are going to like this one less--say you do get involved with someone, what are you going to do? You aren't going to be able to be equally close with your female buddies and your female partner, and that may mean a change in your relationships with your female friends. Do you feel comfortable distancing yourself from your chicks for that one chick that you will have known for a shorter period of time and whose potential lies in the future rather than in the past experiences that forged the relationships you have with your female friends?

Tough questions, but I'm sorry to say that you're going to have to answer them....or remain single, your choice.