Mr. (or Ms.) "The Grass Is Always Greener..."

One of the greatest advantages, and therefore the biggest problems, of Internet dating is the number of potential partners that are available to you. From the dater's perspective, this is the "safety net." If the date this weekend doesn't work out, you can always go back to the long list that any dating site will deliver its members.

The most important thing to remember is: YOU aren't the only one who may be thinking this way. AND that mentality may affect, and even completely wreck, any future dating possibilities with some of the people you meet.

Years ago, I met a very nice, very good-looking guy for the first time in a cool Vietnamese restaurant in Boston. He was smart and fun, and fortunately, very obviously interested. It was one of those dates after which you come home and think "YES! FINALLY!" After giving myself the prescribed time to think it over, I accepted his next offer to go out.

So, how did this go horribly wrong? (Well, maybe "horribly" is an exaggeration...)

As time went on, it became clear that I was, to him, the best thing at that particular moment. My first clue was his going out on a date with someone else after about two or three dates with me. Now, granted, no one is in a committed relationship after two or three dates, but what this revealed was a difference in our dating philosophies. I preferred to give people I dated a real "try" before trying on someone else. He saw nothing wrong with seeing several people without having to choose between them, and he obviously didn't foresee future problems when some of those relationships progressed and grew into attachments. In addition, several times, I observed his regular efforts to keep his online dating profile up-to-date. After a trip with his nephew, four months into seeing me, he uploaded new pictures of himself and changed some of his personal information. To-do lists around his house frequently included "update dating profile" regardless of the length of our involvement.

Eventually, I called it quits. I explained that I didn't think both of us were on the same page regarding our dating goals. For him, dating was like trying to find the ideal apartment in Boston (which he was simultaneously doing). There was something "not quite right" about each one to the point that he had to keep his options open. The draw back is that now, years later, he is still living in the same place and, no surprise, he is still using the same dating service.

Maybe for him, I wasn't what he was looking for--and that is entirely OK. However, I wonder how many times someone ideal walked into his life, but later, walked out because he thought there was a greener pasture right around the corner.