One Woman's Perspective: Guy Profile Pictures on Dating Sites

Insight into the female mind--absolutely invaluable, I know, to men often left scratching your heads when it comes to the oddities of our behavior. Have you ever wondered why that girl you really thought you had a lot in common with didn't "initiate communication" with you or respond to a request to start messaging or chatting on a dating site? It might be your profile picture. It's not always about perceived attractiveness--in fact, your profile picture may undermine just how handsome you are if you aren't careful.

Here are some examples:

You + car, motorcycle, a similar item of affection and adoration

There are LOTS of women who like cars, bikes, boats, etc. out there--you name it, there is someone who shares that hobby. However, your picture of you next to your car or on your bike may be the hurdle keeping you from riding off into the sunset together. There are two flaws in this kind of a picture. First, it's usually at a wide angle in order to include the whole vehicle--it takes a magnifying glass to actually see you! Second, and most importantly, even if women share an interest like that with you, no woman wants to be second to the motorized object of your desire. It makes you look like you're taken already, and you wouldn't be shelling out the big bucks if you were. There are a lot of ways you can get around this--feel free to include a picture of you with your car or bike in with the additional pictures of you that you put up, but don't make it your primary photograph. This way, interested parties will probably inquire, and you'll keep your options open with women who may not be interested in your hobby who may be interested in you.

An old picture of you circa 7 or more years ago and 20 or more pounds lighter

I've written about this before, and I can't tell you how annoying this is--something I am sure is the same for both men and women. On two occasions, I have gone out with guys who chose pictures like these to represent themselves. Then, when I met them, the truth came out. I'm not sure what the thought process is behind this practice--either the individual is completely unaware that the work of 7+ years and 20+ pounds changes his appearance or the individual assumes that I'm just not going to notice the difference. Both assumptions are bad. First, it is false advertising--show who you are. If you're not going on too many second dates, trust me, she noticed. Second, you just made it impossible for her to decide whether or not those crow's feet and the extra inch or two matters. Many times, women are more than willing to let those kinds of things slide in favor of a great person, but feel really deceived when the cat was out of the bag at the first date. Probably the best thing to do--beyond making sure that your pictures really represent who you are--is to include a few pictures of yourself that were taken in casual settings like at a cookout with friends or an informal family gathering. You would be surprised to find that most women believe these pictures not only to be the most telling, but also, the most attractive.

You doing something you said you "Never" do in your profile

That's enough said there--and it probably sounds so obvious. However, I once came across a primary profile picture of a guy with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth and in his profile, he indicated that he "Never" smoked.

You + anything clearly a cocktail or a beer

Bad form. It may have been the ONLY ONE you had that night, but it sends the wrong message. Potential partners are left thinking about exactly whether the alcoholic beverage is a sign of a problem or a sign of a weekend night with friends. It's not a bad idea to take pictures with friends in relaxed settings, but put down your beer for those pics. Even better--ask EVERYONE to put them down. Who knows who else may find a similar use for that same shot?

You + any other woman around your age

Many guys feel the need to explain these shots. Usually there is a caption somewhere, like "me and my sister at a family reunion." If you feel the need to explain it, lest it be misunderstood to be the former love of your life, you shouldn't put it up there. You may say that it's your sister, but most of us would be a lot farther into the game to know that for sure and meet her. Best not to leave something like that open to speculation. Shots with your mom and your grandmother are fine, even good choices. You should also avoid including a shot that has obviously had an individual cropped or photoshopped out--any woman who sees that will be afraid that will be her fate next.