'Tis the season--wedding season.
I know, most people will claim that ANY season can be wedding season, but it comes as no surprise here in New England that many couples wait to tie the knot over the summer and into the early fall. The large void that makes up the late fall, winter, and most of spring can produce sudden, disastrous snowstorms and impassible roads--obstacles that even the most winter-wonderland inclined pair cannot control no matter how much money they throw at their nuptials.
I thought this article was an extremely telling one and a story we rarely hear over the deafening cries of wedding photographers, caterers, and flower designers. Here, a bridesmaid makes an excellent and oft-ignored point--that although it is a special time for her friend, her friend has no right to consider it an obligation for her to sink thousands of dollars into her need to excessively celebrate something that is an exceptional milestone in one's life, but, let's face it, is the most luck-based milestone of any.
But, the author of this article completely destroys it by suddenly coming to the realization at the end that OF COURSE this was a friendly obligation and OF COURSE her friend's demands that she wear red nail polish were natural and reasonable given the circumstances. Yes, she spent money she could ill afford on events set up by her friend to selfishly pamper herself, but hey, it's all part of being a friend, right?
Oh, geez, what have we come to?
There seems to be no event in life that holds common sense hostage like a wedding. Where does the importance of the relationship fit into a package that includes custom-made wedding cakes, wine tastings, flamboyant flower arranging, and extravagant clothing that will only be worn once? What are couples thinking who create outrageous registries for themselves on high-end companies' websites where the least expensive potential gifts are $150? Where is the voice of reason when close friends are criticized for cutting their hair weeks before they were expected to have enough long locks to sweep up to match the other bridesmaids' bouffant styles?
A part, a big part, of this is society; I agree. Constant bombardment by articles covering celebrity weddings and television shows featuring wedding consumption reaching new, unprecedented heights are a big part of the problem. However, they can't be blamed on their own. The fault also falls to women and men who see their ceremony as a blank check to be, do, request, and buy whatever they want however they want it.
And, about 90% of the time, yes, ladies, it is YOUR FAULT.
If men are to blame, it is often because they are content to sit back and let their fiances and female family members and friends take over, and that is a problem in and of itself. However, what women don't realize is what kind of damage prescribing to the notion that their wedding day is oh, so important does to them and to women everywhere. They forget that this goes back to a time when a wedding was a girl's transition to womanhood, and when the guardianship (or ownership) of her person transferred from her father to her husband. To this day, people still refer to a wedding as "the happiest day in a woman's life," which is completely at odds with the many women who pursue rewarding educational opportunities and careers that make them equally happy. Every woman who makes the typical "it's all about me" hoopla about her wedding is fueling that stereotype, whether she is a high-powered executive or a fresh out of college girl. What's even worse is that it devalues the relationship that their nuptials are meant to celebrate.
Will that stereotype ever be broken? Not in my lifetime. Too many lucrative businesses bolster their bottom lines with it. It comes down to you and using your common sense rather than putting it on the shelf until the honeymoon is over. Do you really need that gourmet cake? That extravagant dress? Those overpriced flowers? And, more importantly, will it make what is already a loving relationship any more loving?
Or, perhaps, will it do more harm than good?
2 comments:
It really is a shame that couples spend so much on one day. While I understand that part of the allure of a wedding is to splurge and to be a princess for a day (I'll probably be like this to some extent), spending the equivalent of a down payment on the house is just irresponsible. There are plenty of wallet-friendly ways to celebrate and still have that specialness that couples (brides?) are looking for.
My boyfriend's brother got married a couple of years ago and had a lovely ceremony and reception in their parents' barn. They spent a few weekends cleaning, decorating and transforming the building into a magical space. They only spent $2,000 on the entire event.
I got married in the end of 2009, with this same idea... its only one day, I shouldnt spend the money, it is a commercial thing...
So I did a simple wedding on the beach in Hawaii for 30 people. It was truly beautiful. My budget was also very low compared to other weddings.
However, I regret not getting a better dress that reflected who I am, having more flowers, pleasing everyone too much, and other details such as getting wedding binders and organize and search. Tho I organized it in 3 months by my self (Im in hawaii, and my family is in brazil) in my senior year in college .
I suggest people to take the time to really look into know what they want, what they feel is going to be important for them later. Because even is only a day, you will remember this day almost everyday in the first years, every time you see a show or movie, in anniversaries, and others... So you better do it in a way you are satisfied.
So sometimes trying to be too nice about it can be as damaging as spending too much and making some a fuzz of it.
Balance is everything.
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