Well, I'll spare you from having to read what you already know. Yes, there is a difference. Yes, sometimes they become "interchangeable" in that a Girl "Friend" may become a Girlfriend or vice versa for any one of a number of reasons.
This is about how a Girl "Friend" becomes obsolete when a Girlfriend finally comes along.
Maybe that is rather unforgiving, and perhaps this only really applies to the "25 and younger" crowd out there who has yet to figure out how to incorporate a relationship into their lives without allowing it to completely take over all aspects, or at least push them all to the wayside. Of course, it is only natural that as a new relationship blossoms, the excitement and novelty of the opportunity so often sought will be indulged in as fully as possible. However, it seems to me that a Girl "Friend" offers something to a lesser degree that the Girlfriend hands over in full.
Let's all face it--it's nice to be admired. If you're out looking around for the right relationship to fall into, when a date doesn't work out or you're just generally feeling like you couldn't turn a single head if you jumped up and down in the city square singing "John Jacob Jingle Hireschmidt", it's very comforting to have a base of friends to come back to and realize what you're worth. However, we never go to our same-gendered friends after experiences like that or when we're feeling that way. Whether we admit it to ourselves or not, we usually seek out our friends of the opposite sex. Why? Well, even if a guy wouldn't date his Girl "Friend" or maybe knows she isn't really interested in him that way, the fact that she pays attention to him, listens to him, talks to him, gives him a hug now and again--well, that, in a smaller way, donates to his ego what the void of a Girlfriend or any possibility thereof creates. So very often, guys who are really out looking and haven't been particularly successful, maybe not for any lack of effort on their own part, have larger throngs of female friends around them. Why? Well, no one's intentions are completely underhanded, so I do not intend to insinuate anything of the kind. What is true is that collective or in other cases, that one Girl "Friend" provides a feeling of being appealing to someone, even if the dating possibilities aren't there.
Then, what happens? Someone gets a Girlfriend. Then, the Girl "Friend's" phone calls don't get returned, IMs on the screen are left to lag into idleness. Why? Well, now there's someone who can hand over the whole package--all the admiration and personal affirmation he could ever need or want. As a result, a Girl "Friend's" relationship with some of her guy buddies can seem like an up and down cycle that has nothing to do with his Girlfriend's jealousy of other female company. Rather, she's just not needed like she used to be. And then, when that horrible breakup comes, the first person he is on the phone to is his old Girl "Friend" to cry on her shoulder and feel like "he's still got it" and the end of this relationship is just a momentary setback.
Well, my friends, I can only urge you to treat your Girl "Friends" with a little respect and be on the watch for something like this happening. The day you can handle having a Girlfriend without making your Girl "Friends" feel like they were the sideshow leading up to the big event is the day you may actually figure out that the healthiest relationship you can be in is one that fits into your life without taking up any of the space already alotted to other parts of it.
10 comments:
Amen AND pass the plate. or shall I say "been there, had that done." I've had many guy friends over the years (often more guy friends than gal friends because most men don't do drama) and a good portion (while in my mid 20's) that would stop communication while in a relationship. I don't have a high tolerance for that type of thing but would always give one "opps my bad" before letting go of the "friendship"(for a lack of better words). Doing that makes a person feel like second best...and I wouldn't do it to them (hmmm could this be way dating was so hard back then??).
When Tim and I started dating I introduced him to a guy pal (whom I've known since 1979) and there was an instant dislike on Tim's part (this pal would call at all hours to talk-mostly about his difficult marriage-but hey-what are friends for right??!!). I was like "look-I've known him for a very long time-known his wife for 8 years-they've been there for me when no one else was-I'm not going to stop talking to him just because you think he's from the trailer park."
they're tricky territory, i reckon, platonic relationships between the sexes. if they're not exes or in some way unavailable (and even that's not a sure thing), something can always happen.
The reverse is often true also.
So true, so true. This is also true among those of us girls who have girl "friends" and girlfriends. It's most annoying when my girl "friends" get girlfriends of their own and I don't see them for 6 months. Hello, I was here first, at least drop a line every now and then!
(Thanks for the comment on my blog. I may have found a solution to your stinky guy problem.)
Sunshine
Very well written Blog...thanks for the tips and you should really consider writing a book or somehow capitalizing on your strong communication skills! They would make a wonderful relationship column...
www.bionicbuddha.com
I stumbled apon your blog, very interesting.
Guy and girl "friendships" are definitely "tricky territory". Men and Women were created to be attracted to each other, so things can get lop sided real quick sometimes.
I am thankful for the "gal pals" I've had, they have enriched my life and have helped me learn how to communicate with women better, something us guys always need help with! I've been able to mature and grow in my social skills with women even though I havn't "dated" a whole lot. I'm a better man because of my "gal pals".
There's always a honeymoon period with any relationship that starts off with the best intentions, and many relationships with friends are ruined purely because the friend can't take that the relationship has taken precedence for the time being.
It is only temporary though, due to either the collapse of said relationship, or the pair settling down and the girlfriend's jealousy of other female company that you mentioned in your blog.
I've been there and lost a good friend who got insanely jealous that she was no longer needed (or so she felt), and we sadly no longer talk anymore purely because she'll never let it go.
The relationship settled down and we started to spend time with our respective friends again, but the girl friend was too bitter to acknowledge my explanation.
It's sad, because she was a good friend. I keep telling myself that she's the one who won't talk to me, so there's nothing I can do. I'm right, but it doesn't stop occasional pangs of guilt.
It has been my experience that the girlfriends is usally quite suspiscious of the girl "friend" and with both direct and indirect communication let you know that they do not want you going to the girl "friend" for your female fixes of any kind. At the biggining of the relationship she,girlfriend, is tolerant, but as things progress she becomes less and less tolerant. The exception to this is when the girlfriend and the girl "friend" become friends then when the relationship ends it the guy that's left out in the cold.
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