The Courtesy of the Non-Single

I've been dreaming rather vividly lately. I am not much of a sound sleeper, so I usually wake up several times during the course of the night--not to the point of being unable to sleep again, but each time I do rouse, I can usually recall bits and pieces of what I had been dreaming. The other night, I dreamt that I was somehow involved in what seemed to be a field trip with a group of children. There were other adults also in supervisory positions, and we took the group from a bus stop to a large building. Apparently, all of the kids needed to shower, and there was only one shower in the building. I thought it was a better idea to take five of them to my house, which must have been somewhere nearby, and allow them to clean up there. However, the other adults wouldn't allow this to happen, and I decided to leave. On the way out the door, I met a young man, about my age. He wasn't remarkable in some unrealistic sense--he didn't look like Pierce Brosnan and he wasn't built like Superman. He was red haired, good looking in an "I could meet you on the way down the street" sort of way. He asked to come with me, and I agreed. We walked back to the bus stop with the intention of taking one back to wherever we came from. As we waited there, I remember his affectionately holding me, like he knew me and knew me well.

Then, I woke up.

Yes, I'm sure you're all thinking "ah, I know where that was leading..." but I'm not much of an erotic dreamer. If I had to classify myself, I am an "erotic realist"--I like depth to people and things, or else, they are just dull to me. To me, it was a sign of something else. I woke up and I missed that--I missed the real closeness that comes with being with someone who actually wants to be there with me.

I've been told, many times, from non-single people "not to worry, you'll find someone." Well, this is about as annoying as someone telling you to "calm down" during a heated fight. It isn't fair play.

This led me to thinking about the annoying things that non-single people do around us single folks. Lots of times, it's the "recently converted" who are the worst perpetrators. The long-termers are a little more sympathetic, but it depends upon how long they have been in the "taken" category. Some have gone so long in the company of someone else that they rarely see life in a state without that element, making it tough to completely relate.

I remember a while ago, I lost a relationship that truly did hurt me very much and at the same time, someone else I regularly was in contact with embarked on a new relationship. Every time we spoke, it had something to do with the new acquisition of a partner. I heard about everything from how they talked to what they did together to even the basis of their sex lives. The timing was very wrong for me, but that didn't seem to matter.
Oh, yes, and don't think that the other individual wasn't aware of what had happened to me. It just didn't register, it didn't matter in the face of the enjoyable newness being experienced. It isn't as if there weren't other people that could have taken my place as a listener on this matter, either. Yes, this is an extreme case, of course. Not all people are inconsiderate and being in a relationship does not immediately translate into that kind of behavior. However, I would encourage the non-single people in the world not to suffer from a completely memory wipe of past events before the rebirth that is your new relationship. It isn't as if we aren't happy for you, too. Those well-wishes will quickly abate on your behalf if you start parading around as if things have always been as comfortable and cozy for you as they became when your partnership started.

Don't help us along, either. Yes, we single people of the world do realize that you only have our best interests at heart. But, there is truly nothing more annoying than you're trying to "give to us", neatly wrapped in a box, a version of what you've managed to find. This usually comes in the form of offers of blind dates, setting people up with friends of friends or with family members. It is no surprise that a surge in this kind of behavior generally can be traced to the beginning of your dating prospects. Suddenly, you're so happy, you want to share that. Good for you. Now stop it. If you remember back into the mists of time that was your "single" life, you'll realize that in most cases, it wasn't the partnered people taking pity on you that got you to where you are. Thank you for trying to share the love. However, we have to find it ourselves just like you did. Give us a chance rather than cramming our schedules full of surprise double dates where you get to cuddle with your new partner and we sit uncomfortably by with someone we've never met and probably wouldn't have made an effort to get to know if we had without your interference.

So, take that with you down your new road. You never know when it may end, landing you right back where you started--with us, on the single side.